Thursday, May 24, 2012

Infertility Sucks!

When you first decide that you want to have a baby you fully expect to be decorating rooms in a few months, and bouncing your new baby in a year or so. As the months continue to drag by with no pregnancy things begin to look bad. Everyone has heard of people that have trouble trying to conceive (ttc), but none of us are ever prepared for the realities of what it's like when it happens to you. 

The longer it takes to conceive the harder it is. Personally, we've been trying to have a child for over almost 15 years now. I've had some testing done in the past and was diagnosed with "unexplained infertility." Basically, they know there is something wrong, but haven't got a clue as to what it would be. 

For a few years I had a pretty decent job with absolutely fantastic health insurance. I didn't even realize how good it was until I didn't work there anymore. It was during this time that I had some of the testing done, but since the doctor I spoke with absolutely terrified me with tales of how expensive and invasive IVF was we didn't pursue the matter any further at the time. Instead I choose to work on things like our debt, credit, savings, etc. While that might have seemed like a good idea, looking back it was a huge mistake. 

The biggest mistake was listening to a doctor that obviously had no real concern for me, my health, or even my state of mind. I remember hiding in my bedroom crying for the next couple of days. Called in sick to work and just hid. I should've walked out of the office and made another appointment on the spot with another doctor. 

Now it's almost 10 years after that incident, I'm 37 years old, and running out of time. Many people hate it when I say that, but it's true. A woman's body only works this way for so long. Also, many IVF centers around the world won't treat women over the age of 40 due to the low chances of success. We're also paying for everything out of pocket since our current health insurance doesn't cover infertility treatments. Since it's been so long since I've seen a doctor for this there are quite a few that I have to repeat. For the two tests I need it's gonna be about $1k. That's not exactly chump change. :( 

Fortunately I've been able to come up with the money to pay for my husband's semen analysis (SA) and my hysterosalpingogram (HSG). His test will measure many sperm he's producing, plus if they are active and mobile, or lazy little suckers. Mine will check my tubes for any blockage. We should be taking these tests sometime next week. 

At this point I don't really know what's going to happen next. I'm sure at some point we will be considering IVF. I've already done my 6 months of clomid and that didn't do anything except screw up my moods. 

We have looked into adoption, and we don't qualify. So that's out of the question. I don't really think I could handle being a foster parent. It's a great thing to do, but I don't know if I'd ever be able to let a child go. So it's the natural way (or as close to natural as possible) or nothing at all. 

In the future I will try to update my blog to let everyone know what's going on. This is a personal topic and difficult for me to discuss. So if don't be surprised if my posting about this sporadic. Some days are better than others. 

I have created a site where people can send donations to help us with this if they choose. I really don't expect any help from anyone, but I know others have done this and had some success so I figured why not :) 

If you would like to help them please click here


Refrigerator Memories said...

I'm so sorry you've been going through this for SO long. While my husband and I have only been going through this for 2 1/2 years, I understand your feelings. We had an SA done (no problems there, it's me who's whacked) and an HSG test. We are also paying out of pocket and quickly getting discouraged. Thank you for sharing this and I hope you get what you've been wanting. :)

Julie St. Thomas said...

Thanks for you kind words :) I truly hope that you get your wish soon!

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