For the first time in almost ten years I bought a pregnancy test last week. My husband was so excited. For the first time in 15 years he was finally gonna be a dad. The test was negative so our hearts were broken again. I don't even know what to say or how to deal with it anymore. Unfortunately a part of internet world is being a part of Facebook. That means I'm lucky enough to see someone post about how wonderful their pregnancy is, or how beautiful their newborn baby is. Every time I see this a piece of me dies. Because of things that my husband did before we even met, we'll never be eligible to adopt or foster a child. If I don't give birth to a child, I'll never have a child. I don't know how to finally give up on my dreams. The only thing I've ever wanted was a child. Maybe in my next life I'll be rich enough to afford to buy myself a child.
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